I Said Please. I Said Thank You. I Also Said Piss Off.
Or: My Manners Are Not a Subscription Service to Your Bullshit.
By Jerry “The Ankle-Biter” Silverhand
A Jerry’s Marginalia — by Department of Petty Affairs
Ladies, gentlemen, assorted gremlins, and people who believe every disagreement requires a mandatory emotional wellness inspection:
We have a problem.
Apparently, somewhere along the evolutionary timeline, humanity decided that having manners and having boundaries were mutually exclusive character traits.
You can say please.
You can say thank you.
You can hold the door open for somebody, acknowledge their hard work, wish them a wonderful afternoon, and genuinely mean every syllable.
But the moment you tell somebody to piss off, suddenly you're being escorted into the Court of Unsolicited Emotional Analysis.
"Why are you so angry?"
"Who hurt you?"
"Why are you being so negative?"
"Have you considered being nicer?"
HAVE YOU CONSIDERED PISSING OFF LIKE I POLITELY REQUESTED?
Because that was the entire fucking assignment.
There wasn't a hidden essay question.
There wasn't a psychological evaluation attached.
There wasn't a customer satisfaction survey asking you to rate my emotional stability on a scale of one to ten.
I requested that you leave me alone.
Preferably before lunch.
Courtesy Is Not Submission
Here's something apparently requiring a Department of Petty Affairs educational seminar:
Being courteous does not mean being obedient.
I can respect your work without worshipping you.
I can appreciate your assistance without treating you like the second coming of sliced bread.
I can disagree with your opinion without declaring you my mortal enemy.
And yes, I can say please and thank you while maintaining the astonishingly controversial position that I don't owe you my ass to kiss.
Some people seem to believe politeness is a down payment on unlimited access to another person's patience.
"Oh, but you were so nice earlier!"
Yes.
And?
Was there a contract?
Did I accidentally sign up for Premium Courtesy Plus?
Does my subscription automatically renew every thirty days unless I submit a handwritten cancellation notice?
NO.
I was polite because I wanted to be polite.
Not because I was applying for the position of Your Personal Emotional Support Doormat.
The Great "WHY U SO ANGRY?" Defense
Ah, yes.
The internet's favorite emergency escape hatch.
When somebody makes a point you don't particularly like, why engage with the point when you can simply question the speaker's emotional condition?
"WHY U SO ANGRY?"
What a magnificent contribution to human discourse.
Truly, Socrates himself would have dropped his fucking sandals.
Perhaps I'm angry.
Perhaps I'm mildly irritated.
Perhaps I'm perfectly calm and simply possess a vocabulary that includes words stronger than "golly."
None of those possibilities automatically invalidate what I said.
And here's the part that seems to confuse people:
You are allowed to dislike my delivery.
You are allowed to think I'm rude.
You are allowed to decide you don't want to talk to me anymore.
In fact, if I've asked you to leave me alone, THAT LAST OPTION WOULD BE FUCKING SPLENDID.
What you don't get is an unlimited invitation to interrogate me because you didn't enjoy the packaging.
This is a boundary, not a hostage negotiation.
The Department's Official Courtesy Policy
The Department of Petty Affairs would like to clarify its position on basic human interaction.
We believe in manners.
We believe in gratitude.
We believe in recognizing effort, giving credit where it's due, and not treating people like disposable furniture.
We also believe in the ancient and sacred practice of knowing when to fuck off.
These principles are not contradictory.
A person can be respectful without being submissive.
A person can be blunt without being malicious.
A person can be frustrated without requiring an intervention.
And a person can tell you to piss off without secretly requesting that you spend the next forty-five minutes diagnosing their personality.
Now, could somebody communicate a boundary badly?
Of course.
Could somebody be unnecessarily cruel?
Absolutely.
Could somebody use "I'm just being honest" as an excuse to behave like a sentient hemorrhoid?
MY GOD, HAVE YOU BEEN ON THE INTERNET?
But those possibilities do not mean every blunt statement is abuse, every disagreement is hostility, or every swear word is a cry for help.
Sometimes a person means exactly what they said.
Imagine that.
The Lawfully Neutral Paladin Has Entered the Chat
The Paladin has manners.
The Paladin has principles.
The Paladin will acknowledge your effort, respect your time, and thank you for your help.
But the Paladin is not required to bow before the Sacred Altar of Everybody Must Like Me.
And somewhere underneath that armor, the old Thug is still alive, occasionally whispering:
"Tell that motherfucker to piss off."
To which the Paladin responds:
"Very well. But we shall say please."
CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT, YOU UNCULTURED BASTARDS.
The goal was never to become somebody who never gets angry.
The goal was to become somebody who knows which fights deserve his energy.
Sometimes that means explaining yourself.
Sometimes that means walking away.
And sometimes that means delivering a perfectly sincere:
"Please piss off."
Followed, should the individual actually comply, by:
"Thank you."
Beautiful.
Efficient.
Practically Shakespearean.
Final Ruling: Respect the Boundary, Not Just the Tone
Here's the entire argument, condensed for anyone whose attention span has already wandered off to watch a raccoon steal a sandwich.
My courtesy is genuine. My boundaries are genuine. Neither exists for your approval.
If you don't like how I speak, that's your prerogative.
If you want to disengage, I respect that.
If I ask you to disengage, I'd appreciate the same courtesy.
But please don't turn a simple request for distance into an unsolicited investigation of why I supposedly have anger issues.
Because at that point, you're no longer discussing my manners.
You're demonstrating why I asked you to piss off in the first place.
And with that, the Department of Petty Affairs concludes today's proceedings.
Please exit through the designated door.
Do not forget your belongings.
Do not attempt to psychoanalyze the receptionist.
And for the love of all things reasonably civilized, do not mistake a polite goodbye for an invitation to keep talking.
Thank you.
Now piss off.
Respectfully.
Jerry “The Ankle-Biter” Silverhand
https://theglitch.bearblog.dev/