Jerry’s Marginalia — The Crime of Not Being Normal
Apparently, once attraction enters the room, everyone is expected to become normal.
I hate that word.
Normal.
It’s one of those words people pull out when they don’t actually want to explain where the line is.
I was watching some YouTube drama about Shadman and Jaiden Animations. The actual behavior being discussed is fucking wild: according to the video, Shadman had posted dozens of sexual images involving Jaiden over a period of months.
That isn't what annoyed me.
What annoyed me was how the conversation eventually drifted from this particular motherfucker is being obsessive into:
Why can’t people just be normal?
And there it is.
The herd.
Because apparently there are only two settings:
- Normal Respectable Human™
- Deranged Internet Stalker
No room in between.
No room for:
SMOL MONKE SEES THICC ASS.
APE NOISES INTENSIFY.
“The ass-to-thigh ratio is wonderfully proportional.”
Nope.
Straight to jail.
Look, I understand boundaries. Somebody existing while attractive does not mean they volunteered to participate in whatever nonsense is happening inside your skull. If somebody isn't interested in your particular flavor of bullshit, leave them alone.
That's not complicated.
But I reject the idea that the solution is sanding yourself down until you're normal.
I'm 44 years old.
I like women.
Sometimes I see something I like and my sophisticated analytical process consists of:
THIICCCC.
Sometimes I flirt.
Sometimes I goon.
Sometimes I make agricultural references that would make the Department of Agriculture revoke my fucking tractor license.
And sometimes the woman on the other side laughs and throws the ball right back.
That's the important part.
Does she throw it back?
If she doesn't, fine.
Throw the deuces.
If she does?
Congratulations.
Two weird motherfuckers have discovered compatible frequencies.
That's what I actually want anyway. I don't need somebody who merely tolerates me while I cosplay as a Normal Adult Male. I want somebody I can bullshit with. Somebody who can throw weird shit at me and get weird shit thrown back.
The objective isn't:
BE NORMAL.
The objective is considerably simpler:
Know when your weird is welcome.
There is a canyon between finding somebody hot and deciding you're entitled to make yourself their problem.
I'll happily stay on my side of that canyon making ape noises.
The herd can continue grazing.
— Jerry "The Ankle-Biter" Silverhand
Written from a tree by Jerry “The Ankle-Biter” Silverhand, who was promised peppercorn Purina for this editorial.