My Wisdom Tooth Cost as Much as a Used PS5 Pro. What the Fuck, GameStop?™
Or: Mighty Keef, Sony's $899 Invisible Console, and the $1,300 Financial Ass-Kicking of 2026.
A Jerry's Marginalia — by Department of Petty Affairs
By Jerry “The Ankle-Biter” Silverhand
Ladies, gentlemen, raccoons, gamers, dental patients, and whichever GameStop employee is currently calculating the trade-in value of somebody's remaining kidney:
WE HAVE A FUCKING PROBLEM.
Actually, we have several problems.
One involves Sony.
One involves GameStop.
One involves Grand Theft Auto VI.
And one involves a wisdom tooth that apparently thought it was a premium gaming console.
Welcome back to the Department of Petty Affairs™, where the economy is fictional, the financial suffering is real, and Gerald the Cactus has somehow become the only employee qualified to handle accounting.
Today's investigation began innocently enough.
I was watching another video by Mighty Keef, titled:
TRYING TO BUY A PS5 PRO FROM GAMESTOP IN 2026
A simple comedy sketch.
A man walks into GameStop.
He wants a PlayStation 5 Pro.
He specifically asks for a used one because he doesn't want to pay a thousand dollars for a new console.
Reasonable request.
Sensible consumer behavior.
A financially responsible decision.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
Oh, you sweet summer bastard.
You have absolutely no idea what's about to happen.
Department One: Welcome to GameStop, Where Your Bank Account Goes to Die
In Mighty Keef's sketch, the employee cheerfully completes the transaction before the customer even knows what he's paying.
Then comes the damage.
$1,300.
FOR A USED PLAYSTATION 5 PRO.
The customer understandably loses his fucking mind.
He specifically said he didn't want to pay $1,000.
And the employee's response?
Essentially:
"YOU DIDN'T. YOU PAID $1,300."
Jerry slowly removes his glasses.
...
...
YOU MAGNIFICENT CORPORATE BASTARD.
That's not customer service.
That's financial assault with a loyalty card.
And it gets better.
The customer asks how much a brand-new PS5 Pro costs.
The employee checks.
$899.
Wait.
The NEW console is $899?
And the USED console is $1,300?
That's a difference of $401.
For a console somebody else has already owned.
Somebody else has already touched.
Somebody else may have spent six hundred hours playing games on while eating Cheetos and questioning their life choices.
AND IT COSTS FOUR HUNDRED AND ONE DOLLARS MORE?
Gerald the Cactus begins chewing through the accounting department's electrical wiring.
Naturally, the customer asks for the cheaper new console.
The employee informs him they're sold out.
OF COURSE THEY FUCKING ARE.
Apparently, in the fictional GameStop economy, depreciation has been replaced by desperation.
Department Two: Surely Mighty Keef Is Exaggerating. Right?
Now, I enjoy Mighty Keef.
The man's comedy is practically engineered to make corporate absurdity look like a workplace training video written by a raccoon on bath salts.
But after watching this particular sketch, curiosity got the better of me.
So I did something dangerous.
I OPENED SONY'S OWN WEBSITE.
Not Reddit.
Not somebody's angry Twitter thread.
Not an internet conspiracy board operated by three raccoons and a malfunctioning printer.
Sony.
PlayStation Direct's official PS5 console listings.
And what did I discover?
PLAYSTATION 5 PRO — $899.
CURRENTLY UNAVAILABLE.
...
...
Oh.
OH, YOU HAVE GOT TO BE FUCKING KIDDING ME.
The regular PS5?
Listed.
The Digital Edition?
Listed.
Some refurbished consoles?
Available to add to the cart.
But the PS5 Pro?
NOPE.
Come back later.
Thank you for shopping.
Please enjoy this lovely picture of the product you cannot currently purchase.
And here's the additional kick in the teeth:
THE $899 PS5 PRO DOESN'T EVEN INCLUDE A DISC DRIVE.
That's sold separately.
Because apparently spending nearly nine hundred dollars on a gaming console doesn't automatically entitle you to insert a fucking disc.
Jerry looks at his collection of physical games.
Looks at Sony.
Looks at Gerald.
"Gerald, remind me why we invented ownership again?"
Gerald has no answer.
He's a cactus.
And somehow still more qualified to explain this than the marketing department.
Department Three: Exhibit A — The $899 Console That Wasn't There
Now, rather than simply scream into the internet, I decided to collect evidence.
Two screenshots from Sony's own storefront.
One showing the PS5 Pro product page.
Another showing the full console lineup.
And naturally, the Department of Petty Affairs added its own professional analysis.
By professional, I mean a raccoon with a coffee mug and an increasingly questionable relationship with corporate America.
DPA EXHIBIT REPORT: THE PS5 PRO PARADOX™
There.
Actual screenshots.
Actual prices.
Actual unavailability, as shown when the screenshots were captured on October 31, 2026.
And one very judgmental raccoon.
Now, before somebody misunderstands: this doesn't mean every PS5 Pro on Earth is permanently unavailable.
Stock changes.
Retailers restock.
Availability depends on location and timing.
But it does mean that, at the time of those screenshots, Sony's own store was showing the exact problem Mighty Keef was making fun of.
And according to Tom's Guide's October 9 reporting, the real pre-owned PS5 Pro market had become even more ridiculous, with GameStop listings around $1,400.
So while Keef's dialogue is fictional, the pricing absurdity isn't entirely imaginary.
THE COMEDIAN WAS MAKING A JOKE.
THE RETAIL MARKET APPARENTLY TOOK IT AS A BUSINESS PROPOSAL.
Department Four: July 23, 2026 — The $1,300 Bite of Financial Despair™
And now, ladies and gentlemen, we arrive at the part that made this entire situation personally hilarious.
In the worst possible way.
On July 23, 2026, I dealt with a wisdom tooth.
A fucking wisdom tooth.
Not a broken graphics card.
Not a failed motherboard.
Not a new computer.
Not an exciting piece of gaming hardware.
A tooth.
One of those little biological bastards that spends years sitting inside your mouth before suddenly deciding it wants to financially ruin your summer.
Between the dental work and related expenses, the ordeal cost me roughly:
$1,300.
...
...
Jerry slowly turns toward Mighty Keef's $1,300 used PS5 Pro.
...
...
OH, YOU MOTHERFUCKER.
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
I SPENT ABOUT THE SAME AMOUNT OF MONEY AS A USED PLAYSTATION 5 PRO.
AND I DIDN'T EVEN GET A FUCKING PLAYSTATION.
Think about that.
For $1,300, the fictional GameStop customer gets a gaming console.
Overpriced?
Absolutely.
Financially questionable?
Without a doubt.
But at least the damn thing plays video games.
What did I get?
A tooth removed.
Gauze.
Recovery instructions.
And the privilege of not having that particular dental problem anymore.
WHERE'S MY DUALSENSE CONTROLLER, GODDAMNIT?
WHERE'S MY 2TB STORAGE?
WHERE'S MY RAY TRACING?
WHY DOESN'T MY MOUTH SUPPORT 4K UPSCALING?
Gerald the Cactus examines the dental invoice.
"Sir, perhaps you could trade the tooth in."
For what, Gerald?
SEVENTEEN CENTS AND A GAMESTOP PRO MEMBERSHIP?
And let's be clear.
I needed the dental work.
I'm not arguing that I should have ignored a health problem to buy a PlayStation.
That's not the point.
The point is that sometimes life looks at your carefully planned finances, smiles politely, and says:
"THAT'S A NICE LITTLE SAVINGS ACCOUNT YOU'VE GOT THERE."
"BE A SHAME IF SOMETHING HAPPENED TO IT."
And then your wisdom tooth files a $1,300 requisition form.
Approved.
No appeal.
No refund.
No fucking controller.
Department Five: The $50,000 Paladin and the Goodwill Clearance Rack
Now, this whole situation becomes even more ridiculous when I think back to that PS5 security researcher who reportedly collected $50,000 for reporting a vulnerability to Sony.
People were furious.
Some felt betrayed.
Some argued about AI.
Some were upset that the vulnerability might be patched before homebrew projects could benefit from it.
And me?
BROTHER, GIVE ME THE FUCKING $50,000.
Not because I want to run out and buy every expensive toy on the planet.
Quite the opposite.
The Lawfully Neutral Paladin looks at fifty grand and sees something beautiful.
FINANCIAL BREATHING ROOM.
The Raccoon Den.
A place of my own.
A replacement for Grandpa PC.
Bills paid.
Savings protected.
And the ability to purchase something small without conducting a fucking congressional hearing inside my bank account.
Would I suddenly start spending heavily?
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
NO.
I'd still shop at Goodwill.
I'd still look for bargains.
I'd still compare prices.
I'd still refuse to pay $1,300 for a used PlayStation when the new one officially lists for $899.
Because there's an enormous difference between having money and feeling obligated to spend it.
The Paladin doesn't want to look rich.
HE WANTS TO STOP WORRYING ABOUT BEING BROKE.
And the Gremlin?
The Gremlin would probably buy an eight-dollar shirt, put the rest in savings, and laugh at people paying four hundred dollars above retail for a used console.
Gerald checks the financial projections.
"Sir, you could afford a PS5 Pro."
"I know, Gerald."
"Would you purchase one?"
"NOT FOR THIRTEEN HUNDRED FUCKING DOLLARS."
The cactus nods approvingly.
For once, we agree.
Department Six: GTA VI Has Apparently Turned Everyone Into a Financial Hostage
Back to Mighty Keef.
The sketch's central joke is that everybody wants a PS5 Pro before GTA VI arrives.
And they're apparently willing to pay whatever ridiculous price somebody demands.
A customer calls.
Buys one.
Another calls.
Buys another.
The protagonist protests that these people are destroying the market.
And the employee practically applauds him.
BECAUSE THEY ARE.
At least within the sketch's wonderfully stupid universe.
But the underlying frustration is familiar.
When something becomes scarce, people get desperate.
Some buyers pay inflated prices.
Sellers notice.
Prices climb.
And suddenly the reasonable option becomes waiting while everybody else participates in a competitive wallet-emptying championship.
There's nothing inherently wrong with wanting a PS5 Pro.
If you can afford one, want the extra performance, and think it's worth the money, that's your decision.
But paying hundreds above retail because you're afraid of missing out?
That's where I start looking at the nearest exit.
GTA VI will still be a video game.
Your bills will still be bills.
Your rent will still be rent.
And no amount of improved graphical fidelity will convince the electric company to accept screenshots of your character's expensive virtual car as payment.
DESIRE IS A FEELING.
SPENDING IS A DECISION.
And sometimes the best financial decision is telling a ridiculous price tag to go fuck itself.
Department Seven: The Department of Petty Affairs Conducts Its Final Audit
Let's review the evidence.
Mighty Keef produces a comedy sketch in which a used PS5 Pro costs $1,300.
The new one costs $899.
But the new one is sold out.
I check Sony's official website.
The PS5 Pro is listed at $899.
Currently unavailable.
The regular consoles are still being offered.
The Pro doesn't include a disc drive.
And then I remember that I spent approximately $1,300 dealing with a wisdom tooth in July.
THIRTEEN HUNDRED DOLLARS.
The same amount.
One person gets an overpriced PlayStation.
I get an extraction.
One comes with a controller.
The other comes with a warning not to use a straw.
THIS IS THE KIND OF FINANCIAL COMEDY THAT WRITES ITS OWN FUCKING SCRIPT.
And the funniest part?
I wasn't even shopping for a PlayStation.
I was watching a comedy video.
A COMEDY VIDEO.
And somehow it turned into an investigation involving Sony's website, retail pricing, dental bills, and a cactus conducting an emergency audit.
This is why the Department of Petty Affairs exists.
Not because every ridiculous thing requires a crusade.
Not because every corporation needs to be dragged into court.
But because sometimes the world hands you an absurd comparison so perfect that all you can do is stare at it and laugh.
GERALD THE CACTUS HAS COMPLETED HIS FINDINGS.
EXHIBIT A: Sony's $899 PS5 Pro — unavailable in the screenshots.
EXHIBIT B: Other PS5 consoles — several available to purchase.
EXHIBIT C: Mighty Keef's fictional $1,300 used PS5 Pro.
EXHIBIT D: My roughly $1,300 wisdom tooth ordeal.
EXHIBIT E: One increasingly exhausted raccoon.
FINAL VERDICT:
I'm not paying $1,300 for a used PS5 Pro.
I'm not buying a console just because everybody else is panicking over GTA VI.
And I'm certainly not volunteering for another $1,300 dental adventure.
But if somebody ever hands me $50,000?
The Raccoon Den gets funded.
Grandpa PC gets a dignified retirement.
Goodwill gets another customer.
And the rest of my money?
STAYS MY FUCKING MONEY.
Jerry closes the investigation folder.
Gerald the Cactus stamps it.
CASE CLOSED.
...
...
Wait.
Gerald?
Why does the dental invoice say nonrefundable?
...
YOU MEAN I CAN'T EVEN RETURN THE FUCKING TOOTH?!
Department of Petty Affairs — Gaming, Dentistry & Financial Trauma Division
"We investigate the ridiculous because apparently nobody else is willing to explain why a used PlayStation costs as much as removing a goddamn tooth."
By Jerry “The Ankle-Biter” Silverhand
https://theglitch.bearblog.dev/
Sources, Evidence & Recommended Viewing
Mighty Keef — Comedy
TRYING TO BUY A PS5 PRO FROM GAMESTOP IN 2026
Sony — Official storefront
PlayStation Direct — PS5 Console Listings
Retail reporting
Tom's Guide — PS5 Pro Restocks and Pre-Owned Pricing
DPA Exhibit
The PS5 Pro Paradox™ — Full-resolution investigation image
Editorial note: Mighty Keef's GameStop sketch is comedy. Prices quoted from the sketch are presented as dialogue from a fictional scenario. Sony Direct screenshots reflect availability at the time they were captured, not a permanent stock status. The dental expense is a personal account.
#PlayStation #PS5Pro #GameStop #MightyKeef #GTA6 #Gaming #DepartmentOfPettyAffairs