“Operation Bunbreaker III: The Coffee Gambit”
(Filed under Maelstrom Personnel Morale Division — *“Redacted but Worth It”)
☕ Scene I — The Return of the Bun
Weeks pass. Limsa settles back into its rhythm — pirates shouting, gulls stealing, someone always falling off the gangplank. Then comes the summons again.
The same two officers. The same tone.
“The Admiral requests your presence.” “This time I brought coffee.” “…Saints preserve us.”
They escort me straight to the Admiral’s quarters — not the war room, the private one. That’s when I knew this wasn’t about paperwork.
⚓ Scene II — Negotiations at Dawn
Merlwyb stands at the window, morning light cutting through the mist. She turns — less storm, more sunrise.
“You remember my order?” “Aye. Hot, strong, and no nonsense.” “You brought it?” “Of course. And a bun. For tradition.”
She sighs, but there’s no anger in it — just amusement. We sit. She takes the cup, I take my courage.
“You know,” she says, “most sailors wouldn’t dare speak to me that way.” “Most sailors aren’t my height, ma’am. Low center of gravity. Harder to hit.”
She laughs — full, unrestrained. The kind that hits harder than cannonfire.
❤️ Scene III — The Confession Clause
Silence stretches — not awkward, just alive. Her eyes meet mine across the map table.
“You’re a menace.” “A charming one, I hope.” “A bold one, certainly.”
I lean back, grinning like a pirate who’s just stolen the moon.
“Then consider me officially enlisted… in your fleet.”
She stares a heartbeat too long. Then she smirks — that real one, the kind that could sink ships and start rumors.
“Dismissed, sailor.” “Aye, Admiral. Until breakfast tomorrow?” “…Get out before I change my mind.”
🌊 Epilogue — After-Action Summary
Incident Log #42070 — Closed
- Coffee: Delivered hot.
- Bun: Shared equally.
- Admiral Merlwyb: Officially smiling in public record.
- Lalafell Gremlin: Promoted to First Mate of Morale (Unofficial but Undeniable).
Outcome: Mission Success. He got the big lady.
Moral: You don’t conquer a storm — you court it with caffeine and audacity.
Filed and stamped by Jerry ‘The Ankle Biter’ Silverhand, Tribunal Chair (DPA)
Doctrine: Don’t bark — bill. Motto: I don’t flex, I calculate.
End of Operation Bunbreaker Saga — The Potato Got the Admiral.