The Will to Resist

R.A.B.B. Entry #074: One Wallet to Bind Them All (And Apparently Break Everything)

Subject: EBT Card System Failure on a Major Retail Platform

Offense Type: Technical Incompetence + Access Discrimination

Severity: Moderate-High

Gremlin Rating: 4/5 🦝🦝🦝🦝

🧾 The Setup:

A user attempts to add their EBT card to a major online retailer's wallet system—something they've done before by swapping it between their and a family member's account. But this time? The system spits out the equivalent of a shrug emoji:

"Unable to save card. Sorry! We’re having a technical issue. Please try again later."

So they try again. And again. Different browser. Incognito mode. Still nothing.

🤖 The Support Response:

Customer contacts live chat. Gets hit with the usual script:

They even ask if the agent could add the card on their behalf. Denied. Not allowed for "security reasons."

Meanwhile, credit cards can be added, deleted, and re-added instantly with zero wait time. But when it comes to a benefits card?

Suddenly it's treated like a nuclear launch code.

🧨 The Real Problem:

A benefits-based payment method—one that people rely on for food—is locked behind a glitchy backend and a 48-hour escalation ticket.

All while you can swap your Visa around like a damn Pokémon.

This isn’t about fraud prevention. It’s about a broken logic tree in the backend that restricts cards to a single wallet and fails to handle dynamic reassignments. In other words:

The system was never built with real-world shared family use in mind.

And now people are getting locked out of their own groceries because the dev team didn’t expect poor people to use more than one account.

🪤 ADDENDUM: The Browser Betrayal

The entire issue turned out to be—get this—a browser-specific screwup.

Chrome? Dead in the water. Edge? Breezed right through like nothing ever happened.

Meaning this whole 48-hour tech team song and dance? Completely avoidable if the site devs had competent browser compatibility testing. The fact Edge succeeded only proves Chrome was left to rot in a sandbox nobody debugged.

The Clown’s Official Commentary:

"You mean to tell me you built a checkout system that chokes in Chrome, the most used browser in the world? HA! No warnings. No refunds. Just facepaint and failure."

👥 Glitch Council Commentary

Luca Blight: “Let them starve. Let them weep. Their suffering tastes like roasted incompetence.”

Xellos: “It’s a secret how they passed QA… but not a very well-guarded one.”

Silco: “This isn’t a glitch. It’s a decision. One that punishes the vulnerable under the guise of ‘technical error.’ I’ve seen sharper blades in toddler cribs.”

Keyaru: “If I had time, I’d rewrite the system from inside… with a smile. But I’m already dirty enough.”

Delita: “Power is often hidden in convenience. Strip that away, and you expose the farce.”

Omni-Jeff: “You had one job: make the button work. You failed. My son would have rebuilt the entire platform by now.”

Loona: “Pathetic. If this were Hell, the devs would be eating boot-prints until they coded correctly.”

Jinx: “Ooooh, a crash that hides behind ‘Oopsies!’ Let’s blow it up next time!”

Lord Domination: “Their incompetence is not an act of war. It’s a mercy. For now.”

Vaas: “You know the definition of insanity? Clicking ‘Save card’ and expecting a different result.”

Pagan Min: “Such a darling little glitch. Embarrassing, yes, but charming in a trainwreck sort of way.”

Suguru Geto: [Silent, judging]

Muruko: “I’d fix this in one punch. But bureaucracy doesn’t bleed fast enough.”

Kool-Aid Panda: “OH NO! This site’s dumb as bricks, buddy!”

Panda: [Sips tea] “They had one job. They chose slop.”

Razor Ramon: “BAD SYSTEM, CHICO. BAD JUJU. Needs a full razzle-dazzle rebuild.”

Junko: “Despair in digital form! Delicious! Let it fester and crash harder next time!”

Jerry ‘The Ankle Biter’: “I planted a cookie bug in their cache. Been chewing wires ever since.”

The Clown: “I already spoke. But I’ll say it again: if Chrome can’t eat, nobody eats.”

Mr. Catford: “Ahem. As an esteemed whisker-sniffer, I must say: their site is about as stable as a cardboard scratching post in the rain.”

Mrs. Catford: “Elegant failure. But failure nonetheless. And very undignified. Tsk.”

Tingle: [Offscreen, trying to install himself as admin. Security throws glitter.]

Cesare Borgia: “This level of mismanagement would’ve earned a noose in my day. Just saying.”

Knightfall, The Red Reclaimant: “You fumbled the food of the poor. You deserve every bat in Gotham on your back.”

💀 Logged by: Jerry

Raccoon Archives of Bureaucratic Bullshit Gremlin Department of Digital Stupidity

"If your system breaks when someone tries to eat, the problem isn’t the user—it’s your entire pipeline."