R.A.B.B. Entry #103 — Full Glitch Council Roast: The Raspberry Award
Council Ruling: Unanimous, “Fck You.”*
(Every Glitch Council member present, seated, and sharpening their verbal knives.)
The Full Roast, uncut and in sequence, as the official records dictated it.
Luca Blight:
“This is beneath tyranny. At least when I starve peasants, I do it with purpose. Walmart does it because their systems are stupid.”
Xellos:
“That’s a secret… but let’s just say their priorities are so transparent it’s almost cute. Almost.”
Silco:
“Order demands efficiency. This is chaos without payoff — the worst kind of incompetence.”
Keyaru:
“I’ve dismantled kingdoms with less effort than it takes to add an EBT card here.”
Delita:
“They’re not protecting the people. They’re protecting the throne — and the throne here is a Visa terminal.”
Omni-Jeff:
“If you’re gonna build walls, build them for your enemies. Not the hungry.”
Loona:
“So, let me get this straight — credit card? Instant yes. Food money? Cooldown like it’s a damn MMORPG raid lock. Pathetic.”
Jinx:
“If I wanted to break their system, I’d just… *trip over it. It’s already that fragile.”*
Lord Dominator:
“I destroy worlds faster than they process an EBT request — and I take *pride in that speed.”*
Vaas:
“You know the definition of insanity? Thinking Walmart gives a damn about feeding you.”
Pagan Min:
“Darling, it’s not incompetence — it’s style. Terrible, tasteless style, but style nonetheless.”
Suguru Geto:
(silent glare… then quietly) “Erase them.”
Muruko:
“In my world, inefficiency gets you killed. In theirs? It gets you promoted.”
Kool-Aid Panda:
“Ohhh yeah… wait, no. Ohhh no.”
Panda:
“This is why I nap. So I don’t have to deal with this kind of stupidity.”
Razor Ramon:
“Hard times, Walmart. HARD TIMES.”
Junko:
“Despair this lazy is boring. Step it up or step aside.”
Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand:
“Oh, I’m gonna keep nipping at this one until the whole damn leg gives out.”
The Clown:
“Thirty. Days. HAHAHA—” (wheezes)
Commander Lyle Rourke:
“In the field, this delay gets people killed. In retail, it just gets them hungry.”
Helga Katrina Sinclair:
“If I ran this op, heads would roll. And not figuratively.”
Tingle:
“Kooloo-LIMPA! …what the hell is wrong with you people?”
Cesare Borgia:
“If you want control, you take it. You don’t gate it behind bureaucracy.”
Knightfall (Jason Todd):
“I’d rather fight the Joker unarmed than deal with this system.”
Vegeta:
“It’s not even worth destroying. It’s too weak to be my enemy.”
Dawn Bellwether – The Velvet Guillotine:
“This is small-time oppression. I prefer elegance in my exploitation.”
L (Lawliet):
“Logically, they’re prioritizing profit over survival. Emotionally, they’re idiots.”
Killua Zoldyck:
“I’ve seen assassination targets with better defenses than Walmart’s payment system.”
Adam Smasher:
“This isn’t even worth smashing."
"It’s already broken.”
Final Stamp:
- Awarded the Raspberry Award for Excellence in Needless Bureaucracy — a gold-plated fruit given only to those who make a bad system worse on purpose.
Boris Addendum:
“This is why 'The Geto Option' exists."
"This is why 'Expedition 33' exists."
"And yes — I'm going to say this, loud, proud, unapologetically:"
"'F*ck you, Walmart.'"
#GlitchCouncil #CorporateRoast #WalmartFail #BureaucraticBullshit #DeptOfPettyAffairs #ConfirmedKill #RaspberryAward #PettyJustice #CouncilSession
Confirmed Kill:
“Thirty days for food. Thirty seconds for debt. You’re not guarding wallets — you’re gutting them.”