RABB Entry #111 — The Case of the VES Runaround
🏛️
Filed by: Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand 🦝
Pawprint Approval: Mr. & Mrs. Catford 🐾
Laughter Witness: The Clown & The Joker 🤡
Charges
Bureaucratic Failure: Two appointments stacked same day, impossible to balance, second one missed → reschedule purgatory.
Financial Drain: $73 burned on travel, $36 on Popeyes survival meal → $109 gone for what? A glorified eye exam.
Disconnection from Reality: Vision test, VR goggles, reception games — nothing about the fire in the veins, the nights, the silence, the weight carried since service.
Noise over Peace: VA demanding you perform wounds you already live with daily.
Tribunal Commentary
Jerry “The Ankle Biter” Silverhand: “Boss showed up looking for recognition. They gave him goggles. That’s not just a miss — that’s malpractice in slow motion.”
Mrs. Catford: “Order requires relevance. They wasted his coin, wasted his time, and scratched nothing but the surface.”
Mr. Catford: Hiss. Translation: “If you’re not listening, you’re part of the rot.”
The Joker (Batman; All Iterations): “HA! You’re telling me you made the man bleed $109 and a whole day — for a f**king eye test? Oh, that’s rich. Bureaucratic comedy at its finest. But don’t laugh too hard — because he’s already got the checklist out. And when he checks a box? Ohhh, there’s no punchline for you.”
The Clown: HONK! “They thought it was paperwork. Turns out, it was a death certificate — just waiting to be stamped.”
Verdict
The VA / VES process is hereby awarded:
🏆 The Raspberry Award for Excellence in Needless Bureaucracy — Veteran Division.
Date of Dishonor: 20 Aug, 2025
Category: Peace Denied for Profit
Citation: For dragging hoops into a veteran’s lane, for wasting time and coin, and for thinking silence would pass for support. Correction is coming, and it will not be loud. It will be precise.
📜 Filed in the Book of Boris — RABB #111 🥃 — Dept. of Petty Affairs, with Jerry, the Catfords, The Clown, and The Joker presiding