The Will to Resist

🛐 Saturday Morning Scriptures - Part III: Muscle, Mascots & Mayhem

“When Saturday cartoons skipped the message and went straight for the protein powder.”

In the late ’80s and early ’90s, subtlety died. Instead, we got giant jaws, super-powered babies, and sports legends punching crime in the face. No metaphors. Just mayhem, merch, and mutant energy.

But buried beneath the chaos? A strange, sacred truth:

“Sometimes, the most ridiculous shows taught the most honest lessons… by accident.”

Let’s dive in.

🦈 Street Sharks “The Gospel of Tooth & Brotherhood”

Four buff bros turned into shark mutants. Why? Science. Who’s the villain? A man named Dr. Piranoid. What’s the moral?

“If life chews you up, grow fins and chew back.”

This was Fast & Furious before family was a meme. They skated, surfed, bit cars in half—and meant it.

Beneath the denim and teeth?

Loyalty.

Brotherhood.

And the unspoken rule: “No one messes with your crew and walks away clean.”

🏀⚾🏒 ProStars “The Sports Trinity Gospel”

Michael Jordan.

Wayne Gretzky.

Bo Jackson.

Fighting crime and teaching kids how to win at life.

This was the Air Jordan Book of Morals, blended with after-school PSAs and cartoon logic.

Did MJ do his own voice work? Absolutely not. But his presence alone parted the cartoon seas.

Every episode ended with:

“You’re a champion. On and off the field.”

It was corny. But it hit.

Because when Bo Jackson says you matter, you believe it.

🤢 Mega Babies “The Gospel of Gross-Out War Crimes”

This was not a show. It was a dare.

52 episodes of diaper-fueled destruction, mucus missiles, and fart-based flight. The Rugrats drank battery acid and transformed into chaos gods.

And yet...

These babies saved the world.

They never backed down.

And they taught us this sacred truth:

“You don’t need to be clean to be courageous.”

Sometimes you’re covered in snot… But you still show up.

Final Sermon:

You weren’t supposed to learn from these shows. You were supposed to buy the toys. But the glitch hit different. You did learn. About loyalty. Rage. Brotherhood. Gross-out survival.

And every time you clenched your cereal bowl tighter while the sharks JAWSOME’d their way through buildings— God blinked and said:

“Let it cook.”

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