Stand Still, You Flying Bastard
A lesson from Ghosts 'n Goblins, Ghouls 'n Ghosts, and the fine art of not taking the bait.
By Jerry “The Ankle-Biter” Silverhand
A Jerry's Marginalia — by Department of Petty Affairs
There's something deeply irritating about life when it feels like every damn thing requires a fight.
You lose a job. You chase paperwork. You wait for answers. You try to get ahead financially, only to discover that yesterday's problems are still waiting to collect today's paycheck.
Eventually, you get tired.
Not necessarily defeated. Just tired of having to be stubborn all the time.
And then there's Ghosts 'n Goblins.
Grandpa is still beating my ass.
Let's get something straight.
Ghosts 'n Goblins is Grandpa.
That old bastard has been punching me in the face for years. I walk into that game knowing full well that Arthur is going to get his armor knocked off, his dignity questioned, and his entire afternoon ruined.
But his son?
Ghouls 'n Ghosts?
Nah. I got you in lock.
There's a difference between knowing a game is difficult and letting it convince you that you're incapable of beating it.
I'll walk Ghosts 'n Goblins twice. And if I have to do it again the next damn day, so be it.
Apparently, I have unresolved family business with the undead.
The Red Arremer problem
Now, let's talk about those flying little bastards.
The Red Arremer.
They swoop. They hover. They bait you into firing at the wrong moment. They want you to panic, jump around, and make mistakes.
And what's the easiest way to handle one?
Stand still.
Seriously.
Don't chase it. Don't panic. Don't throw every weapon in your inventory at it.
Stand your ground. Let it commit to its attack.
Sometimes the best move is to do absolutely nothing until the opportunity presents itself.
And somewhere in that ridiculous arcade lesson, there's something worth remembering.
Not every fight deserves a reaction.
I've spent plenty of time being stubborn. Sometimes that stubbornness has kept me moving when I would otherwise have given up.
But I'd be lying if I said I enjoyed having to be that way all the time.
I'd like a little peace.
I'd like something to work out without having to wrestle it into submission. I'd like to receive something good without first completing an obstacle course designed by a committee of sadistic goblins.
I don't want every chapter of my life to be another boss fight.
That's the thing about becoming a Lawful Neutral Paladin.
You don't necessarily lose your backbone. You learn that having one doesn't mean you must swing it at everything that moves.
You don't chase every problem.
You don't react to every provocation.
You don't let every flying demon dictate your next move.
Sometimes you stand still.
Sometimes you wait.
Sometimes you decide that the fight isn't worth your energy.
And sometimes you walk into an arcade, look Grandpa Ghosts 'n Goblins square in the eye, and tell him:
"Not today, you old bastard."
The Department of Petty Affairs ruling
I'm still stubborn.
I'm still going to play the games.
I'm still going to complain when Arthur gets his ass handed to him.
But I am learning that I don't have to spend every waking moment fighting something.
I can be tired without being defeated.
And if a Red Arremer comes flying at me?
I'll stand still.
Let the little bastard figure out what to do next.
Jerry “The Ankle-Biter” Silverhand
https://theglitch.bearblog.dev/