Summary: Why This Roast Hit Like a Truck
When MindsEye launched, players expected something on par with the legends it tried to mimic — GTA, Cyberpunk 2077, Watch Dogs. Instead, they got a $60 faceplant: bad optimization, broken mechanics, and a soulless free roam mode that felt like a punishment for finishing the story.
The 8 Family Guy skits were born from that frustration — but they weren’t just rants. They were performances. Each skit turned the chaos of MindsEye into a cartoon roast, with Peter, Stewie, and the whole Griffin family dragging the game through every joke possible.
Why did they hit so hard?
- They said what players were already thinking, but louder and funnier.
- They mocked not just the game, but the tone-deaf response from the developers and CEO Mark Gerhard, who claimed there was a “smear campaign” instead of owning up to the game’s issues.
- Players loved it — many commented that the skits were “funnier and better written than the actual game.”
- Screenshots and quotes were shared across forums, Reddit, and Twitter, cementing the roast as part of the MindsEye story.
Why were they deleted? The skits embarrassed the PR machine. Rather than addressing the core complaints, BuildABoy hit the nuke button on the threads. But the damage was done — players rallied behind the roast, calling the skits “the true entertainment we paid for” and mocking the game’s deletion attempts.
Now, these 8 skits are remembered as part of the MindsEye saga — a roast so effective it became a piece of gaming history.
Boris Thuginski: ...Or at least 'my' history.
- (You can hear 'The Clown' somewhere in the background laughing like a madman after Boris said that.)
Hashtags: #FamilyGuyRoast #MindseyeSaga #BorisProtocol #ComedyExecution #GlitchCouncil
-- Family Guy Eight Part Roast Skit --
The Roast Sessions – Skit 1: "$60, For THIS?"
[INT. GRIFFIN LIVING ROOM – DAY]
- (Peter sits on the couch with a controller, squinting at the TV. His face twists into disgust.)
Peter:
“Lois… Lois, I think I just paid sixty bucks for a tech demo. This thing’s got fewer features than Meg’s dating life.”
Meg (offended):
“Hey!”
Peter (deadpan):
“No, Meg, I mean it. Even your personality has more content than this game — and that’s saying something.”
[CUTAWAY GAG]
- (We cut to a dev team sitting on a couch, arguing while eating Cheetos.)*
Dev 1:
“Should we fix the stuttering?”
Dev 2:
“Nah. Just add a shirtless old guy in free roam. Gamers love that stuff.”
- (They laugh like hyenas. Suddenly, Peter bursts through the wall like Kool-Aid Man.)
Peter:
“OH NOOO! THIS GAME SUCKS!”
[BACK TO SCENE]
Lois (looking over Peter’s shoulder):
“Peter, isn’t this from the same guy who made Grand Theft Auto?”
Peter:
“Yeah, Lois, but at least GTA let you have fun. Here? I drove for twenty minutes, ran over fourteen people, and nobody even called the cops. Not even a parking ticket! I could rob a bank and the NPCs would just wave and ask if I want fries with that.”
[Chris walks in with snacks.]
Chris:
“Can I try, Dad?”
Peter (hands him the controller):
“Sure, but don’t expect a map. You get a mini-map the size of a postage stamp. This is like trying to find a gas station using a restaurant napkin.”
- (Chris starts driving. The car flips over a traffic cone and explodes.)
Chris:
“Whoa! Did I just die?”
Peter:
“Nope. You just unlocked ‘Shirtless Grandpa Mode.’ Congratulations. Now you can play as a guy who yells at clouds and eats soup with a fork.”
[Lois tilts her head, confused.]
“Why is he shirtless?”
Peter:
“Because the developers hate us, Lois. You beat the story and they punish you with this wrinkled free-roam nightmare.”
[Meg chimes in.]
“Maybe the story’s good?”
Peter:
“Meg, the story’s so boring it made Brian’s book sound like Fifty Shades of Beige.”
[CUTAWAY GAG]
- (Cut to Brian at a sad book signing table.)
Fan:
“Your book was a snoozefest.”
Brian:
“Yeah, well, so’s this game. At least I didn’t charge sixty bucks.”
[BACK TO SCENE]
Peter (pressing random buttons):
“And look at this! No radio! A driving game with no music! Lois, do you know what that’s like?”
Lois:
“What?”
Peter:
“It’s like Quagmire dating a nun. Just dead silence and regret.”
- (Chris crashes again.)
Chris:
“I miss Cyberpunk.”
Peter:
“Right? Even Cyberpunk at launch had more soul than this Walmart parking lot simulator.”
End of Skit 1
The Roast Sessions – Skit 2: “Lois Rage Quits”
[INT. GRIFFIN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT]
- (Peter is asleep on the couch, controller still in hand. Lois walks in, curious about the game.)
Lois:
“Peter, you’ve been playing this thing all day. Let me try.”
Peter (half-asleep):
“Lois, I’m telling you… this game is like going on a date with Quagmire. It looks fun at first, but five minutes later, you just want to run screaming.”
(Peter hands her the controller.)
[Lois takes the controller.]
Lois (focused):
“Alright, let’s see. Oh, look at me! I’m driving!”
- (She crashes into a fire hydrant, the car instantly explodes.)
Lois:
“WHAT?! I barely tapped that!”
Peter (grinning):
“Welcome to MindsEye, Lois — where every car’s made out of wet paper towels.”
[CUTAWAY GAG]
- (We cut to an assembly line of sad-looking developers slapping duct tape on broken cars.)
Dev 1:
“Should we fix the hitboxes?”
Dev 2:
“Nah, just add another bug and call it a feature.”
- (Lois appears behind them with a rolling pin.)
Lois:
“I swear, if one more car explodes, I’m turning this game into roadkill!”
[BACK TO SCENE]
Lois (playing again):
“Why can’t I turn the camera? Why does this feel like driving a cow on roller skates?”
Peter:
“Oh, it gets better! Wait until you try free roam. You finish the game, and it turns into ‘Ugly Shirtless Grandpa Simulator.’ No cars to steal, no hacking, nothing. Just you, grandpa, and the crushing disappointment of finishing this game.”
Lois (throws controller):
“Ugh! This is worse than when I tried to fold laundry during a hurricane!”
[CUTAWAY GAG]
- (We see Lois outside in a hurricane, clutching a basket of clothes. Everything flies away instantly.)
Lois (yelling):
“WHY DO I EVEN TRY?!”
[BACK TO SCENE]
Meg (entering):
“Maybe the developers will patch it?”
Lois:
“Meg, this game doesn’t need a patch, it needs last rites.”
Peter:
“Lois is right. If this game were a person, I’d throw it in the trunk of Joe’s police car and hope it never gets found.”
End of Skit 2
The Roast Sessions – Skit 3: “Brian the Pretentious Critic”
[INT. GRIFFIN LIVING ROOM – DAY]
- (Brian is lounging with a glass of wine, reading a pretentious-looking notebook. Peter and Stewie watch him.)
Peter:
“Uh-oh, Lois, Brian’s got his ‘I’m smarter than everyone’ face on. He’s about to roast this game like it’s open mic night at Starbucks.”
Brian (sipping wine):
“Peter, you wouldn’t understand the depth of how bad this game is. I’ve played tech demos with more narrative structure. I mean, this makes Call of Duty: Ghosts look like The Godfather.”
Stewie (excited):
“Oooooh! Say it again, Brian! Slowly this time, I want the developers to feel it.”
[CUTAWAY GAG]
- (Cut to a BuildABoy office. The dev team is gathered around a computer reading Steam reviews.)
Dev 1:
“Guys, someone just said our game makes Ghosts look like The Godfather.”
Dev 2 (crying):
“Wait… are we worse than Ghosts?”
- (A random intern screams in the background and throws their headset out the window.)
[BACK TO SCENE]
Brian (flipping through his notes):
“Honestly, I’ve seen better character writing in an insurance pamphlet. These characters are about as memorable as that guy who tried to sell us solar panels last week.”
Stewie:
“Yes, yes, Brian. Lay it on thick. Tell them how this game has all the excitement of a DMV waiting room.”
Brian:
“Actually, that’s an insult to the DMV. At least there, you feel something — even if it’s rage.”
Peter (laughing):
“Oh my God, Lois, did you hear that? Brian just compared this game to the DMV. That’s it. Game over. Send it to the bargain bin!”
[CUTAWAY GAG]
- (We see Quagmire in a bargain bin full of terrible video games.)
Quagmire:
“Giggity—whoa, wait, this game? NOT giggity. Total un-giggity.”
[BACK TO SCENE]
Brian (putting down the controller):
“I’m done. This game is like watching a dog chase its tail for 12 hours straight — which, as a dog, I can tell you, is not as fun as it sounds.”
End of Skit 3
The Roast Sessions – Skit 4: “Meg Tries to Defend MindsEye”
[INT. GRIFFIN LIVING ROOM – NIGHT]
- (Peter, Brian, and Stewie are mid-roast when Meg walks in holding a copy of MindsEye.)
Meg:
“Hey, maybe the game isn’t that bad. I mean, it’s got cool graphics and—”
Peter (interrupting):
“Meg. Sweetie. Don’t do this. Don’t defend a $60 train wreck that looks like it was made by interns after a 72-hour energy drink binge.”
Stewie (mocking):
“Oh yes, Meg. Please tell us how ‘ugly shirtless grandpa mode’ is a groundbreaking feature. I’ll wait.”
[CUTAWAY GAG]
- (Cut to a random NPC in MindsEye, shirtless, with glitchy arms flailing in slow motion.)
NPC Grandpa:
“Is this… free roam? Or am I… dead inside?”
- (His arms clip through his head. Screen freezes.)
[BACK TO SCENE]
Meg (defensive):
“Well… maybe the story’s good?”
Brian:
“The story’s so dull, I took a nap halfway through and still didn’t miss anything. And I’m a dog. I’m supposed to like chasing boring things.”
Peter:
“Meg, the story is like you at prom: nobody cares, everyone’s uncomfortable, and the only people watching are waiting for it to be over.”
[Meg groans.]
“Ugh, you guys are so mean.”
Stewie (smirking):
“Meg, it’s not mean if it’s true. This game makes Cyberpunk 2077’s launch look like a success story.”
[CUTAWAY GAG]
- (Cut to Keanu Reeves holding a cyberpunk jacket.)
Keanu:
“Yeah… even I wouldn’t save this one. You’re breathtaking, but MindsEye? Not so much.”
[BACK TO SCENE]
Peter (throwing the controller down):
“Case closed. This game goes straight to Steam Sale purgatory. Maybe in five years, someone will buy it for $2.99 — and still regret it.”
End of Skit 4
The People vs BuildABoy – Skit 5: Judge Griffin Presiding
[INT. COURTROOM – DAY]
- (The scene opens with a gavel slam. Peter stands at the judge’s podium wearing a cheap powdered wig. Stewie sits beside him as the prosecutor, looking smug. Lois, Brian, and Quagmire are seated at the benches.)
Peter (slamming gavel):
“Court is now in session! The People versus BuildABoy Studios, charged with crimes against gaming — including fraud, emotional distress, and making me waste sixty bucks that could’ve gone to chicken wings.”
Stewie (clearing throat):
“Your honor, the evidence will show that MindsEye is not just bad, it is a festering dumpster fire of mediocrity. We have glitches, stutters, and a free roam mode so empty it makes Meg’s love life look busy.”
Meg (from the gallery):
“Hey!”
Peter (deadpan):
“Overruled. Sit down, guilty of being Meg.”
[CUTAWAY GAG]
- (Cut to a BuildABoy developer nervously standing at the defense table.)
Defense Dev:
“Your honor, our game has cutting-edge features!”
Peter (interrupting):
“Yeah? So does my refrigerator, but at least that doesn’t crash when I open the door.”
[BACK TO SCENE]
Stewie:
“Let’s proceed to Exhibit A.”
- (He dramatically lifts a projector remote and clicks.)
A slideshow of bugs appears: floating NPCs, cars flipping over traffic cones, and Shirtless Grandpa Mode.
Stewie (pointing):
“This… THIS is what they charge sixty dollars for. It’s like selling someone a Ferrari, but when you open the hood, it’s powered by a hamster on life support.”
Quagmire (standing as a witness):
“Giggity—wait, this game? NOT giggity. It’s like if you took all the fun out of GTA and replaced it with… I don’t know… Meg.”
Peter (slamming gavel):
“Order! I’m already leaning guilty here, but let’s hear the next witness anyway.”
End of Skit 5
Skit 6 — “The Witnesses”
[INT. COURTROOM – CONTINUED]
- (Peter is still seated at the judge’s bench. Stewie paces dramatically. Next up: witness testimonies.)
Stewie (gesturing):
“Your honor, I call the next witnesses: Brian Griffin and Lois Griffin—two players, two perspectives, one broken game.”
Peter (bored):
“Fine. But make it spicy. Court’s cutting into my nacho break.”
Witness 1: Brian Griffin
Brian (taking the stand, slicked back hair, wearing a scarf for no reason):
“Your honor, I booted up MindsEye expecting immersion. Instead, I got whiplash. I pet a dog, it T-posed. I walked into a bar, fell through the floor, and landed in 2007 textures.”
Stewie:
“Was this a one-time event?”
Brian:
“I respawned inside a woman’s bathroom stall—every time I died.”
Peter (smirking):
“Hot.”
Lois (from her seat):
“Peter!”
Witness 2: Lois Griffin
Lois (taking the stand, stern expression):
“I gave it a fair shot. Thought I’d unwind after work. I did the yoga mini-game and my character’s spine twisted like a pretzel. I was stuck like that for three hours. Some 12-year-old followed me around yelling ‘Slendermom.’”
Stewie (grinning):
“Fascinating. A yoga system so cursed it invents new anatomy.”
Lois (angry):
“They charged for emotes and locked hair color behind a paywall. You want red hair? Fork over real money or stay brunette, peasant.”
Peter (banging gavel again):
“That’s robbery with extra steps. Verdict leaning… aggressively guilty.”
[CUTAWAY GAG]
- (Stewie imagines BuildABoy’s dev team presenting their defense at a press conference.)
BuildABoy CEO (sweating):
“We strive for innovation.”
Reporter:
“Then why does your AI chase players like it’s drunk?”
CEO:
“Uhhh… immersion?”
- (He faints onstage. Canned applause plays for no reason.)
End of Skit 6
Skit 7 — “The Jury Deliberates”
[INT. JURY ROOM – A DINGY BACKROOM WITH STAINED COFFEE CUPS AND A BROKEN CLOCK]
- Cutaway opens with Peter’s voiceover:
“And now… the jury decides if MindsEye’s guilty of crimes against gaming.”
Jury Foreman: Cleveland Brown
- (Holding a clipboard, gently but firmly)
Cleveland:
“Alright y’all. We need a unanimous vote. So let’s go around the table. Is MindsEye trash?”
Quagmire (already scribbling):
“Guilty. Giggity. Game made me clip into a locker and some dude kept humping it from the other side. Thought it was PvP.”
Joe Swanson (voice raised):
“I fell off a ledge and my wheelchair did donuts for five minutes before I black-screened. That’s not accessibility, that’s a hate crime.”
Meg (emotionally):
“I finally got a cool hat in-game… and then the game crashed. When I came back, it was gone. And so was my will to live.”
Chris (dead serious):
“The enemy AI got stuck teabagging a wall. I just watched it. For hours. I think… I learned something.”
Stewie (snapping a pointer stick):
“Motion to burn the codebase. And the servers. And the servers’ children.”
Brian (reading his notes like a New Yorker critic):
“It’s like if early access had a drunken cousin with no job and a crypto addiction.”
Jury Foreman Cleveland (nods solemnly):
“Looks unanimous.”
[SLAM — cut to verdict card being shoved under courtroom door.]
- Verdict: GUILTY.
- Reason: Crimes Against Enjoyment, Repeated Offenses of False Hype, First-Degree Monetization.
[Back in the courtroom...]
Peter (ripping off robe to reveal tuxedo t-shirt):
“Time to sentence this fool!”
Stewie (wicked grin):
“Sentence: 1,000 hours of feedback from Twitter. No muting. No PR filter.”
- [Cue dramatic music as thunder strikes and BuildABoy CEO is dragged toward a giant screen full of quote tweets.]
End of Skit 7
Skit 8 — “The Execution: Judgment Day”
[INT. AN OVER-THE-TOP, DRAMATIC COURTROOM – NOW LIT LIKE A WWE ARENA]
- [A cutaway opens with Peter’s voiceover, solemn and full of faux-gravitas]
“And now… the sentence shall be carried out.”
Judge Peter (in a crimson robe):
“By the power vested in me by the State of Narrative Comedy… I sentence BuildABoy CEO to public creative execution— live on Twitch, Reddit, and a janky YouTube livestream with bad audio!”
[Dramatic gasp from courtroom]
Execution Platform: A Glitched Stage Built from Game Assets
- Half-floating terrain, NPCs T-posing in the background, and random loot drops spawning mid-air.
[Enter The Griffin Family as the Firing Squad]
- Lois (loading a Nerf shotgun):
“This is for making me do a side quest that reset itself five times.”
- Meg (hands shaking, wearing war paint):
“I believed in this game. You made me believe.”
- Chris (wielding a GPU like a battleaxe):
“Your patch notes were lies!”
- Stewie (wearing a crimson robe and crown):
“BEHOLD! I am the God of Beta Testing, and I find you… terminally unplayable.”
[A giant “Execute” button hovers in mid-air.]
Brian (lighting a cigarette):
“Well. You heard the man.”
[PUSHES BUTTON]
- [EXPLOSION. The CEO’s hologram glitches violently before collapsing into a puddle of unpaid voice actor contracts and NFT promo art.]
Peter (removing robe, now in boxers):
“Welp. That’s our show, folks.”
Final Shot:
- A massive tombstone appears behind the execution stage.
Engraved Text:
- Here Lies MindsEye —
- A Game So Mid,
- It Triggered Divine Comedy.
[Cue closing Family Guy theme with a glitchy remix:]
- 🎶 “Lucky there’s a man who… nuked his brand with prideful hands… He’s… Build-A-Boyyyyyy… The Franchise Slayer!” 🎶
END OF SKIT 8
Post-Tribunal Debrief — Glitch Council Lounge
- (Location: Somewhere between satire and scorched earth)
Jinx (swinging in on a wire):
“You wanted attention? Well, now you’re canonically a punchline. Hope your sequel launches straight into the bargain bin!”
The Clown:
- (Leaning back, drink in hand, still wheezing)
“HAHAHA! You know what I love? He deleted the skits like that’d fix it. That’s like wiping a knife clean and pretending the wound’s gone too. Nah, baby. That blade named him.” "You don’t get a second season when the pilot kills the network!”
Jinx:
- (Feet up on the tribunal desk, twirling a stolen dev badge)
“They thought nuking 8 skits would stop the roast? All they did was guarantee they live in meme hell forever. And me? I tagged the walls of their legacy. Mindseye = Mid. That's not vandalism. That’s brand placement.”
Omni-Jeff:
- (Arms folded, voice low and surgical)
“He tried to command respect with volume and title. But all I saw was panic in a suit. You don’t survive this world by silencing critics. You survive by being unshakeable—even under fire.”
(pauses, then nods once)
“He’ll remember this. Not for the backlash. For the precision.”
And The Final Note From Boris Thuginski (off-screen):
“The roast never needed to be loud."
"It needed to be permanent."
"And now? It is.” 😌🔥
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