The Will to Resist

THE HANDSHAKE HANDSHAKE: PROMISED MONEY, DEACTIVATED ACCOUNTS, AND THE NEVER-ENDING JOB HUNT

An adventure in corporate confusion, questionable promises, and the stubborn pursuit of an actual paycheck.

There's a particular kind of comedy that writes itself.

You don't need to invent characters, exaggerate circumstances, or hire a screenwriter. Sometimes all you need to do is open your Gmail inbox.

And there it is.

Another Handshake AI email.

Well, isn't that something?

Let's rewind.

THE PROMISE OF EASY MONEY

At one point, Tashijoy approached me with a Handshake AI arrangement.

There were promises of money. There was talk of opportunities. There was apparently a financial reward waiting somewhere down the road.

Only there was one small problem.

The money being promised wasn't money I could actually verify existed.

And I'm not particularly interested in building my financial future around somebody else's assurances.

I'm looking for employment, not a treasure map drawn on a cocktail napkin.

I wasn't going to hand over my account access or credentials just because somebody made an attractive pitch.

That decision eventually led to a rather unpleasant experience involving my Handshake AI account.

ENTER TRUST & SAFETY

My account was deactivated.

I wanted an explanation, so I pursued the matter through the appropriate channels.

I contacted support. I appealed the decision. I asked for clarification and requested a review.

I wasn't asking for a parade.

I wanted an answer.

Was I eligible to participate or wasn't I?

If there was a policy violation, explain it.

If there was a misunderstanding, investigate it.

Simple enough.

Then I waited.

And while I was waiting, something rather amusing happened.

THE EMAIL THAT STARTED THE SECOND ACT

I opened Gmail.

There it was.

Handshake AI.

Advertising opportunities.

Encouraging participation.

Inviting me to explore work.

I stared at the screen for a moment.

Excuse me?

My account was deactivated, my appeal was unresolved, and now I'm receiving emails inviting me to pursue opportunities?

Marketing says:

"Come work with us!"

Trust & Safety says:

"Your account is deactivated."

Customer Support says:

"Please wait for further information."

And I'm sitting here wondering whether these departments have ever been introduced to one another.

Perhaps they could exchange business cards.

Maybe schedule a luncheon.

Grandma could bring apple pie.

MEANWHILE, I'M STILL LOOKING FOR WORK

Here's where the story gets interesting.

I didn't stop looking for employment.

I didn't sit around waiting for Tashijoy's promises to materialize.

I didn't decide that Handshake was my only possible route to making money.

I kept applying.

Warehouse positions.

Manufacturing.

Sanitation.

Order picking.

Assembly.

Administrative work.

Remote opportunities.

If there's a legitimate position worth considering, I'll look at it.

On November 5, I applied for a Part-Time Remote Document Acquisition Specialist position with Harris Computer.

The responsibilities involved requesting medical records, following up with healthcare facilities, tracking documentation, maintaining records, and handling administrative workflows.

It was an actual job posting with an actual application submitted through the employer's Workday system.

No mysterious financial promises required.

No handing over my account credentials to somebody else.

Just an application.

And that's the difference.

I'm not opposed to making money through technology. I'm not opposed to AI-related work. I'm certainly not opposed to legitimate opportunities.

But I want to know what I'm agreeing to, who I'm working for, what the compensation is, and how I'm getting paid.

That's not being difficult.

That's being responsible.

THE DEPARTMENT OF PETTY AFFAIRS CONVENES

At this point, the Department of Petty Affairs has opened a new investigation.

CASE FILE: THE HANDSHAKE CONTRADICTION

Subject: Handshake AI.

Incident: Account deactivation followed by continued promotional outreach.

Additional circumstances: Previous third-party promises of earnings that could not be verified.

Current activity: Applicant continues pursuing legitimate employment opportunities.

Grandma has reviewed the paperwork.

She has one question:

"Now, sweetheart, if you don't want him participating, why are you still inviting him to the dance?"

Gerald the Cactus has requested a copy of the email.

Jerry the Raccoon is investigating whether the marketing department has access to a telephone.

Boris Thuginski, operating under the principles of the Lawfully Neutral Paladin, has declined to draw his sword.

He's simply waiting for a coherent answer.

THE REALITY OF MAKING A LIVING

There's a lesson here that has very little to do with Handshake.

Promises aren't paychecks.

Advertisements aren't job offers.

An attractive opportunity isn't automatically a legitimate one.

And somebody telling you that money is coming doesn't mean you should build your budget around it.

I have bills.

I have responsibilities.

I have a future I'd like to build.

I'm not interested in chasing imaginary money while actual employment opportunities pass me by.

If Handshake resolves my appeal, fine.

If it doesn't, I'll keep moving.

If Harris Computer contacts me, I'll evaluate that opportunity.

If a warehouse calls, I'll answer.

If somebody offers legitimate work with reasonable compensation, I'll consider it.

I'm not emotionally or financially married to any one company.

FINAL CLASSIFICATION

The Department of Petty Affairs has reached the following preliminary conclusions:

The investigation remains open.

The appeal remains pending.

The job applications continue multiplying.

And the most important part?

I'm still here.

Still applying.

Still looking.

Still trying to make an honest living.

I don't need somebody promising me a fortune.

I need an opportunity that actually pays.

CASE STATUS: OPEN.

ACCOUNT STATUS: UNDER DISPUTE.

EMPLOYMENT STATUS: ACTIVELY PURSUING.

BULLSHIT TOLERANCE: REDUCED.

Bless your fucking heart.

Jerry “The Ankle-Biter” Silverhand
https://theglitch.bearblog.dev/