The Paycheck I Miss, Not the Job
There's something strange about missing a job you didn't particularly enjoy.
I miss the paycheck.
I miss knowing that money was coming in. I miss having a little more breathing room when bills came due. I miss being able to look at my account and feel like I wasn't constantly calculating how much time I had before the next financial inconvenience came knocking.
But the job itself? That's a different story.
Haus had its problems. The policies, the inconsistencies, the workplace atmosphere, the unnecessary divisions between people. There were plenty of things I wasn't particularly fond of. I haven't suddenly developed rose-colored glasses just because I'm no longer there.
Still, the money was good.
And that's the part that stings.
Looking back, I wish I'd handled that money differently. I wish I'd saved more, spent less carelessly, and thought a little further ahead. It's easy to look backward now and identify every decision that could have been better.
Hindsight makes a wonderfully obnoxious financial advisor.
But beating myself up over money I've already spent isn't going to put it back in my account. Regret doesn't pay bills, and wishing I'd made different decisions won't change the past.
What I can change is what happens next.
The next paycheck doesn't have to disappear into the same habits. It can go toward keeping the lights on, covering the essentials, building a little reserve, and giving me some breathing room. Maybe even leaving enough for a small indulgence now and then.
I'm not trying to become rich. I'm not chasing some extravagant lifestyle. I want a quiet place, paid bills, a little security, and the freedom to enjoy the inexpensive things without worrying about what tomorrow is going to cost.
Perhaps that's part of becoming The Lawfully Neutral Paladin: understanding that the past doesn't need another trial, but the future could use a better plan.
I can't get the old paycheck back. I can't undo the decisions I made while I had it.
But I can do better with the next one.
The old paycheck is gone. The lesson stays.
— Jerry "The Ankle-Biter" Silverhand
https://theglitch.bearblog.dev/