The Summon I Never Accepted
So I was getting ready for jury duty, right? Called the Uber, went to Job #2 since I hadn’t heard anything from them. The guy there—probably pushing 50—gave off Omni Jeff energy. Kinda like my figurative dad in the Glitch Council: all calm furnace, zero small talk.
Anyway, my Uber driver? Fifty-three. I’m just ten years behind him. We talk a bit about jury duty, and I ask how often he gets called. He shrugs and goes,
“I get them and just tear ’em up. Don’t go.”
Honestly, I was thinking the same thing last night. Sprouts doesn’t break my will. I break theirs.
We hit the first stop. I check in at Job #2. Customer’s waiting there and tells me the guy who gave me the email—the one I sent the résumé to—won’t be doing interviews until Thursday. Some lady will handle them instead. Probably a small HR setup. The shop’s tiny, like car-part chaos with a system only the regulars understand.
I tell him I’m reliable, can be there on time, thank him, then dip. Quick, clean, done.
Final stop: courthouse. Jury summons. Arrived early—9:34, maybe 9:36 a.m. The Uber driver forgot it was for jury duty and thought I was renewing my license. Once I remind him, he says,
“Well, good on you for going!” And I shoot back, “Nope. Fuck that shit.”
He 404’d. Completely froze. Then started dying laughing. I just smirked, checked if he was alive, then told him,
“Glad I made you laugh.” and walked off like a cat that just knocked over a glass.
Inside, I get my badge, ask for the bathroom, and of course one soap dispenser’s dead. I look at the guy next to me and say,
“This thing only had one job.” He laughs.
Then I tell him about the Uber exchange. He chuckles, says his son once asked,
“Do I have to go to jury duty?” and he told him, “Yeah—but put some shorts on first.”
We both laugh.
Some summonses are divine. Some are civic. But this one? This was just a test I refused to accept.
Filed under: Dept. of Petty Affairs — Jury Duty Docket
Tags: #life #work #humor #bearblog