💀 There’s a Version of Trans You Don’t Survive Without

11 Jun, 2025

By One Who Walked Through the Fire

You ever try existing and feel like the universe said, “Pick a side or perish”?

That was me. And like many others who walked this same blood-soaked road, I didn’t transition for clout. I didn’t do it for retweets, aesthetics, community theater, or Tumblr discourse. I transitioned because not transitioning would’ve killed me.

Not metaphorically. Not emotionally. Literally. And if you don’t get what that means? You’ve never been here.

This ain’t cosplay. This ain’t a vibe. This ain’t “gender non-conforming” at brunch.

This is syringes in the leg. Voice cracks. Panic attacks in public restrooms. Legal battles with bureaucrats who still think I’m a typo. It’s not “identifying” as something. It’s becoming something—or dying trying.

People say “we’re all trans in our own way.”

Nah. We’re not. Some of us fought the reaper for the right to not hate the mirror. Others just wanted a vibe shift and co-opted the word like a borrowed hoodie.

If you’ve never faced dysphoria so loud you couldn’t hear yourself think… If you’ve never sat in a waiting room for HRT, shaking like your life depended on it (because it did)… If you’ve never feared for your job, your body, your life in a Target bathroom…

Then you’re not on this road. You’re on a sidewalk. Next to us. Watching. But not bleeding with us.

And the Clown’s here to tell you straight: That’s not hate. That’s fucking reality.

I’ve got no beef with exploration. Play with your gender, express it, explore it, journal about it with glitter pens and Pinterest boards. Cool.

But don’t you dare try to speak over those of us who’ve rebuilt our bones from scratch. Don’t hijack “trans” like it’s a TikTok filter. Don’t rewrite our war journal with your zine prose.

Because we didn’t transition for likes. We did it to live. We did it to breathe.

There should be a word for what I am. For what we are. Maybe it was “trans.” Maybe it still is.

But every day it feels more diluted, more hollow, more aesthetic.

And I’m not here for pronoun pin swaps. I’m here because I fought my own biology and won.

If you know, you know. If you don’t—you’re lucky.

And the Clown? He’s still laughing. Because when the spotlight fades and the glitter dries— only those who paid the price still stand.

📎 Full blog post: 👉 https://nicksoulace.bearblog.dev/the-version-of-trans-that-no-one-talks-about-anymore/

#TransReality #BearBlog #GrimReaperProtocol #TheClownLaughs #DysphoriaIsntADressCode #NoMercy #TransitionOrDie #GatekeepThis #SurvivalNotAesthetic #EchoesOfTheClap