Zoomers
“Enjoy your prime, kids. The algorithm’s already lining up your funeral meme.”
There’s a TikTok somewhere right now where a Zoomer is mocking Millennials for being obsessed with Harry Potter, trauma bonding, and posting screenshots of iPod Nano playlists like they're sacred scrolls. And you know what? Fair play. We had our cringe.
But you—you beautiful blue-light-soaked dopamine demons— Oh, your day is coming.
Let’s fast-forward a bit. 2037. You’re standing in line at a grocery store (yes, they’ll still exist) when you hear it:
“Bro, you still say ‘no cap’? That’s ancient. My grandma says that.”
Your heart skips. Your knee pops. And suddenly you’re the cringe.
See, we watched Family Dog, Hammerman, and The Brothers Grunt so you could have your time in the spotlight. We wore the shame so you could build your meme castles. But don’t think for a second you’re safe.
Because one day…
Your FYP will become vintage.
Your slang will sound like cave paintings.
And that Skibidi Toilet phase? Oh sweet child. That’ll be the Brothers Grunt of your generation.
💥 CUTAWAY GAG 1:
PETER (wearing a hoodie and filter glasses): “This generation doesn’t understand. Back in my day, we had to wait two minutes just to connect to the internet. That’s character building!”
MEG (rolling her eyes): “Ugh, Dad, no one cares about Dial-Up PTSD anymore.”
PETER: “You kids got your TikToks and your emotional support water bottles. When I was your age, we fought each other with AIM statuses and passive-aggressive away messages.”
LOIS (in a Y2K bucket hat): “Peter, stop. You’re going viral for the wrong reasons again.”
PETER: “Good. Maybe they’ll cancel me. I’ve been trying to get out of this show since 2006.”
You’ll try to explain why it was funny. Why it “hit different.” But no one will listen. Because they’ll be too busy uploading neural memes directly into their brain-implanted laugh chips. And you? You’ll be buffering.
So mock us now, Zoomers. Laugh loud. Make your lists. Because there’s a kid born today who will grow up just to drag your whole generation through digital dirt with a smirk and a soundboard.
And when they do? We’ll be in the corner, sipping oat milk and whispering:
💥 CUTAWAY GAG 2 (FINAL WORD EDITION):
STEWIE (in a time-travel suit): “Behold—2039. Zoomers are now the Olds, and Gen Alpha just hit them with a remix of their own therapy arc.”
BRIAN: “What’s that sound?”
STEWIE: “That’s the noise of a TikTok trend eating its own tail. That’s the sound of a generation realizing they’re… ‘lowkey mid.’”
PETER (from a rocking chair): “This is worse than the time I tried to start a podcast called ‘Vibe Check, Boomers.’”
MEG: “That was your vibe check. And you failed it.”
“Enjoy your prime, kids. The algorithm’s already lining up your funeral meme.”
🔗 Related Fuel for the Fire: 20 of the Most 90's Embarrassing Cartoons https://youtu.be/l2ejSNwTy-Y?si=M5iD-D4KfqvMZ4aQ
📛 Hashtags for the Reckoning: #ZoomerDoomer #CringeIsCyclical #SkibidiRegret #BearBlogChronicles #AlgorithmAin’tLoyal #FamilyDogStillSucks #RetroCoreIncoming #Y2KRevengeTour #BorisApproved #SatireLoaded